It’s been 3 months and 19 days. Tonight I finally cried because I miss you. The you I had, not the one I lost, or the one who you and who we were going to become. I miss you. The moon is out and the wind is howling. And this is one of those nights, those nights we always made love. When Mother Nature was having a fury, so would we.
And this I miss. One of those nights we did a cookup, ate smiling at each other on the couch. Eating… so much eating. Those endless conversations we would have that never got boring, and the seemingly age old fight over whose monitor was truly calibrated….
You came into my life when I was in the pits of despair. You pressed the button for me before slowly pressing your way into my life. Into my being. Coming in with care, attention and a longing to soothe and hold and enjoy forever. You cried at the enormity of it on many a day we were able to fully wrap ourselves in each other. Surrounding ourselves with music, with love, with dancing, with family. We were truly, madly, deeply in all encompassing love.
And yet it was too good. Or it wasn’t enough. There will never be an answer to my never ending incessant question of why?
Instead I am left mourning someone who no longer existed before he even left this earth.
But mourning is just another step in my healing. And if I can finally grieve you. Your love. I can finally move forward.
One day someone will drive me home. For the last time. Until then, I’ll keep driving myself, and expressing myself in the way you fell in love with me for.
Fine Art Photographer Australia