I’ve spoken of my Fibromyalgia and the use of Spoons as an analogy for energy use before… If you need a refresher of the full theory the link is here: THE SPOON THEORY
My current flare is one to an extent of which it is triggering side conditions common to fibromyalgia. That meant for me this morning showering HURT. It used more than just spoons to shower it triggered sensitive Allydonia responses that meant I burned, itched and my skin responded to the water in red raised welts immediately. The tingling, itching and burning took ages to settle after. I had no choice but to shower, I hadn’t done it yesterday for the same reason, and because I couldn’t stand for long yesterday without falling over. And my hair required washing very badly. My teeth needed brushing and my underarms needed shaving. Today’s shower cost me 4 spoons. And hours of reactive pain and sensitive responses afterwards.
This needed capturing. This is life for me. This is life for fibromyalgia sufferers. Even without the pain and sensitivity responses, showering for a fibromyalgia sufferer takes a lot of energy. I’ve had days where showering has cost me the whole days worth of spoons and I wind up bedridden for the rest of the day. People need to know and understand. The simple things every person takes for granted kills me, Hurts me. Costs me the rest of a day being able to use any energy with my children. These things add up and boil up, come to a head and end in me wanting to save everyone around me from the burden of me. And it always the small things that can upset me the most. When the pain is so high I can’t open my butter container. Not being able to put my socks on without sitting down. Then is when I’m at risk of what I spoke of in my last post happening.
I have a great support network now for these times. I have beautiful caring and trustworthy people to call on when I need to be picked up off the floor or carried from one room to another. I have people I can call to just exist with me in my darkness, helping me fight my battles and stay on this planet. I have a brilliant doctor who has persevered through all the med trials with me, leading to our understanding of some of medications being solely responsible for suicidal intentions I’ve been demonstrating and struggling with for the past few years. I also have so many more coping mechanisms for the pain triggered arseholery of my mind. These things combined are the reasons I will keep making these pictures and posts. I can conquer this! One moment at a time, one step at a time. The world needs more carers, kindness, healers, partners, friends who are the unwavering support for those of us unfortunate enough to have been given the plight of any chronic illness or disease… Understanding, willing, dependable, and so so so loving.
For those who struggle with the spoon theory Have a read of THE COIN THEORY 🙂
Kiarn Fine Art Photographer