I’ve Been Through Hell. High Water. Up the creek, no paddle. Dealing with things no child should have to deal with when I was a kid. Seeing things humans shouldn’t have to see growing up. Leaving love or a nurturing path behind as I grew up because I was convinced by this, that, a person, people or whatever else that their ideas for me where the better way to go. I made my way through life bumbling along as all humans do. Burning our feet on the fiery paths we find, searching, ever searching for the soft grassy meadows or the sandy beaches that will feed our souls and caress our feet.
Sounds beautiful. But check out the beauty in the Hell! Look at the strength it builds! The character! We are not just humans. We are such awesome awesome creatures built with such immense strength that we can find within us.
Oh and I am so god damn strong it’s not funny.
The Hell recently cast upon me, the flames lit around me, I have chosen to dance in. This is not my first dance in flames. For some reason people think they can light flames around someone who is experienced in dealing with this kind of thing and think they will have a negative affect on them but they are sorely mistaken. Lighting flames around other people simply makes you an arsonist and (in child friendly terms), a not nice person.
My Fibromyalgia, my chronic illness is a massive vat of boiling lava that I am so damn used to now it’s not funny. I am becoming immensely skilled in dancing through those ups and downs. It does not mean they do not suck. Oh they suck. A LOT. If you are a chronic illness sufferer like I am (Or a mental illness sufferer or suffer any illness or disease), you too can become a fire dancer. Twirl baby twirl! It takes dedication, it takes planning, determination and a willingness to fight.
My brain never stops, I’m always planning,thinking ahead 50 steps. Every action, responsibility, chore, job, is carefully thought out so I know what I need to do when and how so that my limits are not surpassed and my responsibilities are adequately met and my health is kept as stable as possible. It is exhausting, but worth it. Stability when attained is such a godsend. The sacrifices were made, the depression from making them was waded through, and then my new life was ahead of me. Still dancing, still here.
I have lost people I thought were loved ones, people I thought were friends, who turned out to be the most selfish people I know. But I have also gained the most selfless, generous and loving people I know and these people are the people I now hold onto and surround myself with. These people aid me in my strength. The help me to dance in the flames of life. Sometimes they dance with me, holding me up, holding me tight.
To those out there who would wish to use any of my words, my truths that I share openly, honestly to the entire world against me, who wish to cast down more flames at my feet, in attempts to burn me with my own struggles, you are forgetting that every person in this world chooses for themselves what they do with the flames around them……
Allow yourself to be consumed by the flames or dance by the warmth of them…. hmmm where’s my marshmallows….
Fine Art Photographer