There is something strange happening to me. I’ve been told it’s not strange, it’s good.
I’m doing ok.
They say shit happens. And it should. Daily with the right diet 😛 But life shit, it happens a little too regularly for my liking. Yet I’m ok. I’m still here.
I currently am so torn in so many ways. So very many paths and so many versions of who I could be, how I could react to every given moment. And yet I’m doing ok.
Where once the version of me would have chosen to perish- this new one lives. Where once the version of me would have sacrificed her very soul for everyone she loved- this new version of me keeps her soul and just loves.
There are so many things to react to in my current position. So many things to fill my mind and spill forth from my mouth. Yet I feel not the need. Only the need to move forward and be happy exists now.
I’ve had almost two years with YOU. YOU who I loved so wholly I’d have made the ultimate sacrifice for you to live.
So so many moments of pure joy, love and contentment. So very many memories to cherish.
A vow made to uphold and fulfil was second nature.
But along with all my losses, you were to take your place among them.
There is now a new hole in me where you once were. And yet it’s ok.
There’s a hole for my livelihood, my health, my children, my camera.
So many holes and yet I’m still ok.
I’m living as Swiss cheese – so many holes and yet still whole.
I wish to preserve the beautiful memories.
Like once there were not enough words to describe the love, there became not enough words to describe the hurt. But I chose to not remember this. I choose the perfect, beautiful, awe inspiring, feet sweeping, dolphin cueing memories.
So I created one last one. My only wish- to have our last memory that of our love, our contentment and comfortable existence with each other. And it was exactly that. Beautiful. Comfortable. Home.
To so so many memories I pay homage as I move forward, no matter how difficult my road ahead is. I will always have the memories.
Thankyou for the memories.
Sidenote: Fineart photography done with my iphone while I be cameraless….