YOU are the only one who can balance your spoons. When you first get or got your diagnosis and are finding your limits, you are going to fail countless times while trying to discover the limits of what your body with this chronic illness can and cannot do. You are going to have days where only when it is too late do you say “Shit, I’ve done too much”, or “Crap, I’ve overdone it”, and you’ll pay for it in pain. Maybe for hours, maybe for days sometimes, unluckily for weeks. These illnesses suck hairy monkey balls. BUT. There will come a time when you will know your limits. You will have discovered your triggers. You can balance your spoons. You see that limit coming and you can carefully and cleverly get as much shit done as is necessary to be the best god damn warrior you can and need to be. Be that a wife, a partner, a mother, or just living a bloody brilliant life as best you can with what you have.
Now, while you are balancing your spoons, you need your support people. The ones that help you balance them and understand that only you can be the true spoon master. Yes you need to delegate to them, and this is part of spoon balancing. But every now and again your support people are going to hurt because we are hurting. They are going to forget that spoon balancing or not, job completing or not…. we are going to hurt anyway. Our pain does not go away. They may incorrectly get upset at us for doing too much and causing ourselves pain, when this is anything but the truth. These moments are ok. They may suck. They may even be big angry ugly yucky moments. But they truly come from a place of love and pain from our loved ones, because they hate seeing us in pain as much as we hate being in pain and as much as we hate being a burden to them when we are. Our support people wish they could carry everything in a pained hope it will reduce our suffering and pain. As romantic and lovely and fantasy as that hope is, that would realistically only burn them out. We need to gently remind them nothing really does this once we are spoon masters. Rather, taking away the carefully planned and managed contributions we do, only adds to the unfortunate depressive side affect of our chronic illness, as we then feel useless and a burden (more-so than we mostly already do).
If you are a Spoon Master like me, take comfort, YOU ARE DOING GREAT! Keep going! And take those needed rests when you can. And give yourself a break when you forget your limits or they creep up on you quicker every now and again.
If you are not there yet, It IS possible! Spoons are tricky to balance. And sometimes those damn things are nowhere to be found (kids hidden all the teaspoons?? Any other mums hear me on that one?? haha) But they definitely can be balanced! And if you are a support person. Have faith and trust in your spoonie, your warrior, and marvel at their balancing skills 🙂
And for those who need a refresher on the spoon theory again you can find it HERE
Balancing 3 Spoons in one shot 😛
Thanks to my baby girl Amelia for being my shutter bug hehe.